Who Gives A Fuck What Anyone Else Thinks
Please excuse my language here, which I say out of respect (but you can probably tell that if you in fact are offended, I probably don’t care.) The truth of the matter is this, I have never really cared what other people think about me. And that’s a trait I own to a fault. Who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks?
The thing is, I see so many people who aren’t living their lives. The lives they want to live. The only real reason I can fathom as to why they aren’t doing it is because they’re worried about what someone ELSE thinks. This could be something as simple as not bumping that favorite song in your car because you might be embarrassed of what the person next to you thinks (even though this person [probably] is a total stranger, you’ll never see them again. And is probably too busy worrying about what you think of their; car, hair, sunglasses, etc.)
Don’t Be An Asshole (Unless You Believe It’s Appropriate)
Not caring what other people think isn’t a suggestion to just be a flat out asshole to everyone else. It’s not about being careless, being reckless, or disrespecting people. On the contrary, you should respect everyone and be humble and kind to all people. This is very easy to do when you aren’t worried about what other people think and feel confident with yourself.
Frankly, all the times in your life some other asshole has made you feel bad about yourself is probably because they were insecure of themselves and lashed out at you for whatever reason. I’ll be honest, not giving a shit about what other people think makes being humble and kind one of the easiest things to do. You don’t judge people, because you’re not worried about them or what they think. You’re just focusing on being you and a version of you that you can be proud of.
Now, if someone is acting in a way that conflicts with your beliefs and crosses a line, well then give them whatever you got. More times than not it’s worth just walking away. But as long as you’re not holding people accountable to themselves because you’re being emotionally charged, then asshole away. Justified.
Know Yourself (Free From Other Opinions DAMMIT!)
The real question is, do you even know what you want? Like you, the most vulnerable version of you that knows your most embarrassing habits or desires, what does that YOU want? I’ve spent my whole life, and continue to spend it, trying to figure out what I want, who I want to be, and what version of me I can be the most proud of. I want to be a good man, a good father, a good husband, a good friend, a good son, a good brother, a good person. I want to be committed to a life of service. A life of supporting others, a life of giving all that I can to be of value to this world. And I want to feel good about everything I do, and I don’t want to live a life of regret.
I want to live, authentically.
Sometimes that means I do things that are counter-culture. Sometimes that means I do things that some people would be “too embarrassed to do” or who think “what will my (insert random person) think of me?” That sucks, for them. If they really want to; take an art class, start a blog, leave/join a religion, listen to country music, go to a movie alone (been doing this all my life), go on that date, etc. etc.
The point is, I don’t know what you want to do that you may not be doing, but whatever I want to do, I do. But I’m confident in who I want to be. And so I only do the things that reinforce my goal of being me and being a better me every day. I’ll do the occasional thing that is irrelevant to a “goal” but is just a true authentic expression of me-ness. If it’s you, do you!
Focus On The Three Areas of Your Life (Personal, Professional, Relational)
As you go about your life, I think it’s important to focus on the three areas of life that define our existence: the personal, the professional and the relational you. Personal can include spiritual, the same way relational covers all your relationships from family to lovers to friends. Professional also means your career, your development of skills and your overall success in whatever you set out to do as a professional.
Break it down into three simple questions: (1) Who do I want to be? (2) What do I want to be? (3) Who do I want to do it with? Simple questions, not simple answers. The answers are fluid, they evolve and grow with you (and devolve and shrink with your regressions). But they are your questions to answer and only you and your ideas should be where you look to find these elusive answers. Stop looking around at a world that is hyper focused on doing what other people think is right hoping to figure out what you want. The answer is inside yourself, listen and learn about other peoples’ journeys and stories. But don’t define yourself by their beliefs. Learn from them, let them guide you, let them provide insight and wisdom. But never the answers that only you can provide.
Seek Advice, Not Opinions (From Professionals)
What this boils down to, in my opinion, is not to care what other people think of me but what I think of me and my actions in relation to the answer to those three questions. My journey to answer “who/what/with” trio has been loaded with insights from; books, podcasts, mentors, advisors, enemies, etc. I learn from all my experiences, but I know that I’m not looking for people’s opinions, I’m looking for advice. Advice is critical because it’s intelligent information that I can then apply to my own beliefs or ideas about who I want to be. Again, this is about testing new information against my established ideas. The same way people come to me for advice on their business concepts or strategies.
As a lawyer, people pay me for my professional opinion.
Meaning, I get paid to assess/judge/criticize whatever issue is in front of me. I then take my specific knowledge and experiences to establish a formal opinion and advice on how to deal with the situation in front of me. (To stress a point: I’m no stranger to how important other people’s professional opinions and advice can be in our lives, but WHO we seek advice from is what we need to focus on.) Also, no one gives a shit what I (personally) think about their business problem, they care what a lawyer thinks. It’s a strategic task of seeking legal advice. It’s not the same as not starting the business because your dad thinks entrepreneurs are losers.
These businesspeople remove my identity from it entirely, only focusing on the professional, trained, and specific legal opinions and advice. Who “Nico” is, doesn’t matter, so long as he’s not a bad lawyer. So, after dealing with this all day every day, how can I even for one second think I’m going to walk around worrying what a bunch of strangers think about me who add ZERO professional or strategic value to who I want to be? So go figure out who you want to be and…
Just do the fucking thing.
(If you’re wondering what is up with the post image, your guess is as good as mine.)
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